i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize