You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I puked a lego.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
