Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This is the high leading the old right now
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
