The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
well you can't waste a boner
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
