I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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