i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize