Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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