Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
