In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you made out with another girl for some wings
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize