Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
