He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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