OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
