I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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