I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
