I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
