god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
