You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
