Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
