At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
