I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
