Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
