I just made out with a guy for $7.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
