I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
