Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
