she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
