you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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