cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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