the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i drank out of a bidet.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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