Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
