we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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