I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
