ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
