You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
