Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
