Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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