Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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