Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
