You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
