Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
vagina is talking i cant
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
