I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
where am i from again
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
