i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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