I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
