Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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