He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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