Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
