Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
