i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
