HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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