Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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