She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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