All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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