Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
