fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
