sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
