who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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