dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
