I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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