i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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