In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Let's paint friendship bongs
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
