for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
