Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
