Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
either way he was missing a nipple.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
