you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
