can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
