i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
