okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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