I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
